craigery morgan comedian.

Very funny !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaCPlKlFqXg&feature=related

Last year I went to the offices of Anna Sui to work as an intern. Bryoney flew out to spend some quality time together! I was quite naughty and did not pick her up at the airport. To this day we still have a little bit of a joke about it. So we are waiting for the opportunity to meet one another at an airport so we can fill in this empty part of our lives.
Wer decided to socialise with some of the interns at a bar one night. The outspoken Bryoney began telling tales of our shenanigans to my new fashion workers. Bryoney and I had been on a bus tour and had a tour guide with a very strong new york accent which was hard to understand at times. As we went past China town we hear the worlds " We are now driving past this beautiful strip of asian pussey' when actually what she had said was " strip of asian cuisine". We were in fits of giggles the whole journey, so it seemed only fair to tell as many people as possible. As we told the two interns this story we were greeted by a lingering silence. The comment went down like a ton of bricks, especially as one of my friends was in fact asian. Next my friend tried to suggest my friend was of the gay persuasion. He protested at once! And with that he left the table, said he had plans with his girlfriend and minced all the way down soho with his gucci bag. Not gay.

Recently I attened a fireworks party on a roof. (Curtesey of my parents friends!) A vicor was invited to the event, whom I had to make small talk with that evening. It turned out he was a right old character. He told us that hetaught at schools in Africa and athough he seemed ' simple' he was in fact very knowledgeable . When my mother asked if there were many snakes in Africa he responded " Only of the trouser variety me dear'. We could not look at him in the same light the entire evening, especially after he drank a bottle of wisky and was stumbeling allover the place. Later in the car he told me to put my beautiful leg aside, to make more room for him. This was this very uncomfortable for 20 minutes, but he redeemed himself by saying godbless. Thats alright then I guess.

Waitressing


When you are studying, sometimes you decide that you are in need of some money and you must lower yourself to dirty work: waitressing. You sign yourself to a recruitment agency in order to be treated like ****. You get told that you are lined up to waitress at a super high profile event! You even sign a declaration form saying you will not take any photos. The likes of Michael Kane will be there! So you show up, shaking like a leaf in the prospect of rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous, only to hear that Michael Caine is just a local chef.

Sometimes you drop glasses, other times you make an utter fool of yourself because you had to wake up at 6am and stay till 3am to hand out 'pretentious' Chicken Tika' on sticks to drunk men. Naturally you get tired.

One shift I cut my finger on a glass of red wine while attempting to open it. While I stood there bleeding, chefs took no notice. This was probably very common. To redeem oneself I headed out of the kitchen via a glass door and managed to slip on water doing a sumersault. Thinking no one had seen I headed out as normal and was greeted to a hoard of men clapping. The sad thing was I could not run off in shame as I was sharing a lift with 5 people and had to wait till 2am red faced.

The good thing is you get to take the bottles of wine that did not get drunk. You develop a little collection of nice vintage wines and all the goodies people didn't want from the weddings. Its a little creepy yes but you have to get something from it to make yousrelf feel special. :)

Nostalgia

We all have things we are attached to. Boys? purses? You name it! Mine is my fabric. Now I created this fabric in A level and feel the need to put it up on the wall as a mark in my life. ( to this day I feel like I have yet to create something i am so proud of). This piece of fabric goes everywhere with me. And so it came to porfolio review day and I remembered not to leave behind my pride and joy. The tutors prompted me to begin as If i was at a job interview. I took out this length of 3 metre fabric which selfishly took over the classroom table. and the tutors raised their eye bows. "Have you ever heard of samples on headers Marina?'... " perhaps you could cut a section off of your fabric?" And without thinking I said " Oh but It's too precious!!" . I was asked what it had to do with any projects and all I could think of to say was " I like florals." So basically a smooth response...

This is an amazing book

"I met Paul Mcartney once topless"


One day during a summer Diana spent with her friend Claudia in Bixely,she decided that it would be a fabulous idea to walk through the woods topless as there seemed to be hardly any walkers. It seemed like the wisest idea yet. The girls had a camera and that only meant one thing: A photoshoot. Naturelly adam and eve themed. Diana grabbed the nearest leaves and placed them stratigically over her nips and stripped down to her bikini briefs. The girls found a spot by the mud and decided that using trees to cover those naughty areas would be classey. Diana posed like a greek statue and stood in the mud pool with such elegence that she should have won an award.
Suddenly they heard a mighty russle and the sound of a dog and owner that could only be a walker. Very likely :Paul Mcartney (as it was his land). ' Uhoh' Diana yelped and ran to the nearest silver birch tree to hide. Clearly a bad idea as the tree was 2 inches thick!!( It only made her look nude as she hunched trying to protect her modesty). As the man walked past he frowned and Claudia went to remove Dianas bra she had dropped on the footpath. She attampted a very awkward ' hello' but the man ignored her. Clearly he thought he'd stormed into some porn shoot (probably entitled 'naturist swinging') when really it was totally inocent. The worst thing was 10 minutes later they met him down the road again. He passed just as they were walking up the drive to Claudia's house.( And ignored the girls like they were lepers) Diana questioned if she could ever show her face in Bixley again. How could she ever buy Linda Mcarney Sausages and look at them the same way?!

banksey
bristol 09

" Godam sexy"

copywrite

bryony bushe

"Me lips hurt so much. Got em' done for david,yet he still keeps cheating. He didn't even notice these new boobs. Went up a whole cup they did. Old goldenballs just doesn't apreciate my new female form. He's too busy playing with balls. Sigh."

Victoria Becks

This girl made one mistake. Drank too much and 9 months later got stuck with this brat. Now this girl can never go out on the razzle again. Be smart. Always use protection.

Girls

How to survive a festival

1.) cut cheese with a vip card/cred card ( clean first obviously)

2.) pitch a tent( even if it does break and you end up sleeping with a roof on your head)

3.) Glam it up baby

4.) Get your clothes on the wrong way.

make an utter fool of yourself

Just a normal day out

copywrite :

bryony bushe

Badboy

One easter holiday break I invited dear bryony to the Isle of Wight. My Mother was to retreat to Dubai for a holiday and leave the two adventurous girls alone with the man of the house( my father-although the man cries like a girl so I prefer the term effeminate man). The one rule was that we must not ride the quad bike unoccupied whilst she was gone. We accepted her rule. That was untill she left. It was quads, mud and 60 miles an hour up steep hills. Because we are young fasionistas the term fashionably late is one rule we abide by. Missing buses forced us to to ride the quad bike to many a places. This bike became our best friend on the isolated farm. When we departed the island we put our glamorous suitcase filled with attire in a rugged country trailer and attached it to a biffed up quad bike and headed out in style to the local bus stop like right ol' nutters.

Chinese gluttony

House parties are the key success to popularity in this life. Rules that Apply :

To being a good party host:

• Do make sure you make a punch but do not add the contents of your parents cuboard to it.


• Include snacks and petite four. Share food that other guests have brought around.


• Do not retreat to the kitchen and stuff fistfulls of dumplings and spring rolls and lock youself in the kitchen in a bid of greediness.


• Do not invite wife beaters who will cause a scene. You might be tempted to eat to calm down.


• Never order a cab to an after party but if you do: hide in the house and turn out all the lights. ( If your parents arrive back early from their evening tell them to pipe down.)


• Conceal all the evidence( cigarette butts, alcohol, stap wounds) so that your parents never find out!


• Do not bring out crotchless knickers to guests unless you are extremely drunk.


• Always dress up! Burlesque will always be appealing to the male guest.

Arrêtez cet homme!

Do and don’ts when meeting forgien strangers. (from first hand experience-‘French stranger’ Candybox 2006)

• Never let a stranger help you change from your party shoes to your sneakers. He obviously has a foot fetish if he obliges.
• If the man’s trotter finds its way into your handbag do not stupidly ignore this gesture .
• By all means sit on his lap but do not let him sit on yours. Ignore cctv cameras. Do go for a walk but when he suggests drinks at his, reject his offer. The mans a cheap date.
• Perhaps set the mood by saying’ I want to put you in my handbag’ to the man. (Harmless flirting)
• Do ask people to take photos of you and your friend but restrict this to clubs and the loos.
• If a man runs off with your camera run after him with a stiletto.
• Find a police car to follow the thief and then ask to be dropped home.
• When the Police officer rings to check how you are turn into a drama queen.
• Do not think about possible cctv footage of you having a chinwag and straddling the criminal.This will not go down well with the police force.

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Run ins with the law

One day I was summoned to give evidense to a court trial.When asked what the venue of the club I had visited on the day of the incident I replied ‘ Crazy Larry’s. And when further questioned by the defence barrister I said it was ’ a club for the younger generation.’ The judge piped up with a comment along the lines of ‘ Not for old sods like me then’ and I retorted with ‘ I’ll have to get back to you on that. That’s debateable’. Aparently he had not laughed in 8 years of hiss professional life. I would like to think his wife got quite a seeing to that fine evening

The icecream maker

When I was at boarding school aged 16 I used to relish post days. Most girls got designer handbags from Germany or sex toys but I got an icecream maker. I eagerly anticipated its arrival one rainy Friday afternoon and what a ruddy let down it was! Now I know for a fact it was for ages 2 and up but I expected a little more than snow to be produced. It took me a whole break time to spin the plastic wheel and produce ice for one person. It even came with its own icecream pots and measly toothpick of a spoon. Of course the other girls chuckled at my childishness but that didn’t stop them queing up to use my mini oven. You see I had somehow managed to set up an illegal kitchen in my dorm. I’m sure my roomate didn’t mind. My friend Lilly would cook her sausgaes in mylittle oven and it would tick away for about 10 excruciating minutes and ting as if it was showing off.

I Thought it was Rom Com!

Usual Friday evening. Coca-Cola: check company check: porn check. Wait?!! What.!!…….
The Day I sat down to watch ‘shortbus’ with my Mother and Father is a day I would rather forget.
"I bought some dvds from the rental. Maid in Manhatten and shortbus. Both romcoms." said my father. That was untill we turned the dvd on. The vision of a man doing crude things with his manly hood is one that will scar my mind for forever more. Especially when both your parents forgot to have the birds and bea conversation with you. They told you about love and protection but they missed out the show me tell me side.