Waitressing


When you are studying, sometimes you decide that you are in need of some money and you must lower yourself to dirty work: waitressing. You sign yourself to a recruitment agency in order to be treated like ****. You get told that you are lined up to waitress at a super high profile event! You even sign a declaration form saying you will not take any photos. The likes of Michael Kane will be there! So you show up, shaking like a leaf in the prospect of rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous, only to hear that Michael Caine is just a local chef.

Sometimes you drop glasses, other times you make an utter fool of yourself because you had to wake up at 6am and stay till 3am to hand out 'pretentious' Chicken Tika' on sticks to drunk men. Naturally you get tired.

One shift I cut my finger on a glass of red wine while attempting to open it. While I stood there bleeding, chefs took no notice. This was probably very common. To redeem oneself I headed out of the kitchen via a glass door and managed to slip on water doing a sumersault. Thinking no one had seen I headed out as normal and was greeted to a hoard of men clapping. The sad thing was I could not run off in shame as I was sharing a lift with 5 people and had to wait till 2am red faced.

The good thing is you get to take the bottles of wine that did not get drunk. You develop a little collection of nice vintage wines and all the goodies people didn't want from the weddings. Its a little creepy yes but you have to get something from it to make yousrelf feel special. :)

Nostalgia

We all have things we are attached to. Boys? purses? You name it! Mine is my fabric. Now I created this fabric in A level and feel the need to put it up on the wall as a mark in my life. ( to this day I feel like I have yet to create something i am so proud of). This piece of fabric goes everywhere with me. And so it came to porfolio review day and I remembered not to leave behind my pride and joy. The tutors prompted me to begin as If i was at a job interview. I took out this length of 3 metre fabric which selfishly took over the classroom table. and the tutors raised their eye bows. "Have you ever heard of samples on headers Marina?'... " perhaps you could cut a section off of your fabric?" And without thinking I said " Oh but It's too precious!!" . I was asked what it had to do with any projects and all I could think of to say was " I like florals." So basically a smooth response...

This is an amazing book

"I met Paul Mcartney once topless"


One day during a summer Diana spent with her friend Claudia in Bixely,she decided that it would be a fabulous idea to walk through the woods topless as there seemed to be hardly any walkers. It seemed like the wisest idea yet. The girls had a camera and that only meant one thing: A photoshoot. Naturelly adam and eve themed. Diana grabbed the nearest leaves and placed them stratigically over her nips and stripped down to her bikini briefs. The girls found a spot by the mud and decided that using trees to cover those naughty areas would be classey. Diana posed like a greek statue and stood in the mud pool with such elegence that she should have won an award.
Suddenly they heard a mighty russle and the sound of a dog and owner that could only be a walker. Very likely :Paul Mcartney (as it was his land). ' Uhoh' Diana yelped and ran to the nearest silver birch tree to hide. Clearly a bad idea as the tree was 2 inches thick!!( It only made her look nude as she hunched trying to protect her modesty). As the man walked past he frowned and Claudia went to remove Dianas bra she had dropped on the footpath. She attampted a very awkward ' hello' but the man ignored her. Clearly he thought he'd stormed into some porn shoot (probably entitled 'naturist swinging') when really it was totally inocent. The worst thing was 10 minutes later they met him down the road again. He passed just as they were walking up the drive to Claudia's house.( And ignored the girls like they were lepers) Diana questioned if she could ever show her face in Bixley again. How could she ever buy Linda Mcarney Sausages and look at them the same way?!

banksey
bristol 09

" Godam sexy"

copywrite

bryony bushe

"Me lips hurt so much. Got em' done for david,yet he still keeps cheating. He didn't even notice these new boobs. Went up a whole cup they did. Old goldenballs just doesn't apreciate my new female form. He's too busy playing with balls. Sigh."

Victoria Becks